This is a moving, thought provoking and well told article. You left no stone unturned Dani. This man’s life (and untimely death) has not been in vain thanks to your dedication
Thanks for reading Bev. And I'm glad I could tell a bit of Tony's story, even if there were some unforeseen twists. Maybe someone will come and visit his grave.
This article made me cry Dani but it also made me think. In the last year I’ve confronted my own mortality. I’m lucky I have a loving family and lots of friends but there are many people out there who don’t have that support. We see them every day on the streets of the City centre. Perhaps we all need to think about how we value our fellow human beings and how we can make more meaning full connections. I have friends and family members who work with people who need support but their frustration is that people like Tony still have no one they know caring and grieving for them.
Thanks for taking the time to read the piece Caroline. Writing this piece made me stop and think about how I should stay in better contact with my family, who are all living in different parts of the country -- we've all grown up and moved away, but I know maybe one day I should try and move closer to be with them. I think the small silver lining from this piece is that now there are many people who are thinking of Tony - and others like him- and maybe grieving him in their own way.
What a moving story. This is what I like so much about The Mill. It tells you stories about such 'ordinary' people and it makes you realise that everybody is interesting. Probably you could write an article about anyone you stopped at random in the street.
This is an unusual and tantalising look into the mind of a reporter. When facts are few there comes a moment when the story looks too thin to publish without sketching in some probable facts. Dani describes that moment and the serpent that tempted her. Thanks Dani, for taking us into that dangerous place and conjuring a vicarious thrill that matched Webster's dictionary definition of the word vicarious - "experienced or realized through imaginative or sympathetic participation in the experience of another."
Hi Andrew, thanks for taking the time to read the piece. Reporting the piece made me understand how people cling to ideas and beliefs out of hope or, single-mindedness -- sometimes there's enough to hold firm to something, and confronting other possibilities seems unthinkable. In my mind, having two men with the same name, same age, and mental health conditions was too much of a coincidence to entertain the fact they weren't two different people, but life is full of strange coincidences. I'm glad I was able to avoid making a huge error, and it definitely taught me a lesson of "never assume what you think you know is correct..". Best
This was a very touching and sensitively written article. It was good that people were willing and managed to attend his funeral. Before retirement I used to work as an advice worker for a mental health charity. It was not uncommon to find that my clients were totally isolated, having lost touch or broken off relationships with friends or family members. This happened to me during a lengthy phase of poor mental health, though I was lucky to have my husband who stood by me - and a GP who understood mental illness and was prompt to deliver appropriate treatment.
It would be great if we could form a 'club' [for want of a better word] of people who would be willing to attend funerals in such cases, and who would be prepared to give their contact details to the local authority.
Hi Elaine, thanks for reading and sharing your experiences of working for a mental health charity. It's so sad that some people find themselves isolated but I totally understand how it can happen - mental illnesses can be so cruel to people and their families - the question is, how can we help those reconnect with friends and family when they are ready/able to? Hayley has set up a Facebook group for local authority funerals, which is here:
Well done Dani. I agree with the comments. So good that you continued to check and research and it is a reminder to us all to question conclusions we jump to in search of answers. Beautifully written too. You carry the reader with you all along. Thank you
A touching and disturbing story. It also raises questions about the validity of family history research and the ease with which people can harvest information about other families, and connect them to their own, without proper checks being made about identity.
I’m very late to this article, but I wanted to say how brilliant it is. I’m glad you decided to post it, including the mistaken identity detour.
Sharing stories when someone dies is a really important way to grieve, I have to believe there are people from Tony’s past who have shared a story or had a memory of him, whether they know that he died or not.
This is a moving, thought provoking and well told article. You left no stone unturned Dani. This man’s life (and untimely death) has not been in vain thanks to your dedication
Thanks for reading Bev. And I'm glad I could tell a bit of Tony's story, even if there were some unforeseen twists. Maybe someone will come and visit his grave.
This article made me cry Dani but it also made me think. In the last year I’ve confronted my own mortality. I’m lucky I have a loving family and lots of friends but there are many people out there who don’t have that support. We see them every day on the streets of the City centre. Perhaps we all need to think about how we value our fellow human beings and how we can make more meaning full connections. I have friends and family members who work with people who need support but their frustration is that people like Tony still have no one they know caring and grieving for them.
Thanks for taking the time to read the piece Caroline. Writing this piece made me stop and think about how I should stay in better contact with my family, who are all living in different parts of the country -- we've all grown up and moved away, but I know maybe one day I should try and move closer to be with them. I think the small silver lining from this piece is that now there are many people who are thinking of Tony - and others like him- and maybe grieving him in their own way.
What a moving story. This is what I like so much about The Mill. It tells you stories about such 'ordinary' people and it makes you realise that everybody is interesting. Probably you could write an article about anyone you stopped at random in the street.
Hi Pam, thanks for reading! Yes, the more I write in this job, the more I learn that everybody has a story - not matter how 'ordinary' they seem.
This is an unusual and tantalising look into the mind of a reporter. When facts are few there comes a moment when the story looks too thin to publish without sketching in some probable facts. Dani describes that moment and the serpent that tempted her. Thanks Dani, for taking us into that dangerous place and conjuring a vicarious thrill that matched Webster's dictionary definition of the word vicarious - "experienced or realized through imaginative or sympathetic participation in the experience of another."
Hi Andrew, thanks for taking the time to read the piece. Reporting the piece made me understand how people cling to ideas and beliefs out of hope or, single-mindedness -- sometimes there's enough to hold firm to something, and confronting other possibilities seems unthinkable. In my mind, having two men with the same name, same age, and mental health conditions was too much of a coincidence to entertain the fact they weren't two different people, but life is full of strange coincidences. I'm glad I was able to avoid making a huge error, and it definitely taught me a lesson of "never assume what you think you know is correct..". Best
This was a very touching and sensitively written article. It was good that people were willing and managed to attend his funeral. Before retirement I used to work as an advice worker for a mental health charity. It was not uncommon to find that my clients were totally isolated, having lost touch or broken off relationships with friends or family members. This happened to me during a lengthy phase of poor mental health, though I was lucky to have my husband who stood by me - and a GP who understood mental illness and was prompt to deliver appropriate treatment.
It would be great if we could form a 'club' [for want of a better word] of people who would be willing to attend funerals in such cases, and who would be prepared to give their contact details to the local authority.
Hi Elaine, thanks for reading and sharing your experiences of working for a mental health charity. It's so sad that some people find themselves isolated but I totally understand how it can happen - mental illnesses can be so cruel to people and their families - the question is, how can we help those reconnect with friends and family when they are ready/able to? Hayley has set up a Facebook group for local authority funerals, which is here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/824109065675373/?ref=share
Really lovely idea. Maybe Dani can raise it with Hayley, who just tweeted that she has a funeral coming up.
Dani, this is a phenomenal article, thanks
Hi Paul, thanks so much for reading! And it was team effort, as I did have two editors Joshi and Sophie to help me along :)
Well done Dani. I agree with the comments. So good that you continued to check and research and it is a reminder to us all to question conclusions we jump to in search of answers. Beautifully written too. You carry the reader with you all along. Thank you
Thanks Jennie - and great to meet you in person :)
Absolutely brilliant bit of writing.
A touching and disturbing story. It also raises questions about the validity of family history research and the ease with which people can harvest information about other families, and connect them to their own, without proper checks being made about identity.
A very thought provoking piece Dani. This is why I still subscribe to The Mill.
Hi Mark, thanks for reading, and so glad to have you onboard!
Fabulous writing and a sad story
Thanks Dani for this sensitively written piece.
Everybody has a story and this sad one was well told.
Beautifully done Dani
Hi Stuart, thanks for reading. Took some time, but glad to see the work paid off and people are thinking of Tony.
Outstanding
Thank you for this deeply moving article, and you honesty and integrity in writing it.
I’m very late to this article, but I wanted to say how brilliant it is. I’m glad you decided to post it, including the mistaken identity detour.
Sharing stories when someone dies is a really important way to grieve, I have to believe there are people from Tony’s past who have shared a story or had a memory of him, whether they know that he died or not.